3:33 am listening to Aquemini

(if you can: read, hit the link, listen, read some more and repeat)

I am not the cause of anyone’s unhappiness only my own.

What a relief. Kind of.

I stare into the eyes of my unhappiness the unhappiness I am experiencing and put my hand on my heart space.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/synthesizer/266365274?i=266365443

”The fuck is this?” I think offended by my own thoughts.

My ego, *big sigh, taking offense, finding fault and being reactive per usual.

I have fought a lot of egos, to include my own, repeatedly, but nobody ever wins.

Nobody.

And I don’t have any fight left in me.

*Laughs

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/aquemini/266365274?i=266365360

My heart reminds me to offer myself some compassion and my spirit rings with the teachings of Tolle and Ruth.

The activated vibration of the love God created me with is shaking loose more and more of what no longer serves me…

It is uncomfortable though…

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/hold-on-be-strong/266365274?i=266365277

*Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

(Aquemini ‘till I die *puts fist up)

I know this suffering is leading me somewhere…

Let’s go I tell my self and the ego.

Hand in hand we stand up and face the roaring negativity within me exposing it to the light of awareness.

It burns.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/da-art-of-storytellin-pt-2/266365274?i=266365473

I close my eyes and feel the unhappiness, the pain, the fear, the anger, the anxiety…

Lean in.

Go through it.

Grow through it.

Aquemini continues to play as my emotions burn away.

*Damn, Damn, Damn, James.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/spottieottiedopaliscious/266365274?i=266365523

Observe the thoughts.

Observe the feelings.

Just keep breathing.

No reaction.

18 years of sadness, that’s a long ass time.

Umpteen years of fear, that’s a long ass time.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/yall-scared/266365274?i=266365536

No more years of tears, fears, or sadness.

It doesn’t matter how it started, who created it or where it came from, in this present moment I detach from it.

All of it.

”Depart from me!” I yell dramatically with a smile.

I believe the sadness is lifting and my consciousness is shifting.

I am my own Harriet T. getting my mind free.

Lifting and shifting in the darkness of night led by the light.

I make a vow to love me truly, especially at 3:33 when self-created demons scratch at my soul and try to tell me that I am not whole.

Lifting and shifting to freedom- I am.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/liberation/266365274?i=266365542

I love you woman that I’m still getting to know- till death do us part -even when you fart.

Laughs -hard

I am the effect of my own awareness.

*Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Writer’s Note: Thank you: André Benjamin, Antwan Patton, Erica Wright, George Clinton, David Sheats, Y Pickens, Cameron Gipp, Willie Knighton Jr., Erin Johnson, Masada Hogans, Robert T. Barnett, Joi Gilliam, Myrna Crenshaw, Ruben Bailey, CeeLo Green, Frederick Bell, Jamahr Williams, Patrick Brown, Organized Noize, and Thomas Burton. Thank you for creating. Your words, melodies, and voices kept the lights on in my heart as I realized and removed the dark that almost snuffed out my spark. Angels y’all are- fly as fuck.

Thank you too, for listening to the me that is I, she, and we.

* = Lyrics by OutKast

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Love is / Love isn’t

I put my mental, physical, spiritual, and financial health first. Unapologetically.

I am honest about what I can and can not handle and I say no to carrying anyone’s burdens or stresses.

This does not make me weak.

When things seem overwhelming I take a moment to check in with God and myself reaching out to my support system if I need to.

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I release guilt for not always handling things “perfectly”.

I surround myself with unconditional genuine love and I thank God for it.

I have all that need.

Thank you.

I got Angels bihhh

You watch her not realizing they are watching you

Protected and connected by the seen and unseen

You watch him not realizing they are watching you

Protected and connected by the seen and unseen

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/angels-watching-over-me/401171691?i=401171767

Today’s Mantra: I’ve got Angels- I am safe.

1 Oh oh

She continued to build her own kingdom quietly with the help of her loved ones

She was both king and queen and free to build as she saw fit

Free and full

On moments she second guessed her solo movement she looked at pictures of Tracee Ellis Ross her favorite boss

She continued to build her own kingdom quietly with the help of her loved ones

She stopped to dance under the full moon and release what no longer served her – She only had time for even exchanges of time and energy

The present moment told her everything she needed to know

She continued to build her kingdom quietly with the help of her loved ones

Free and full


Cut up the Music and the Gratitude? Thanks-

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the energy of the present moment whirring of my thoughts and I felt my mood shifting. So I stopped to make a gratitude list of whatever popped in my mind.  I tend to find once I start it just flows. Vibration raised. *big sigh falls backwards into bliss

I am grateful for people who except their calling.

I am grateful for the term “movers and shakers”- It makes me think of two old ladies doing the twist.

I am grateful for pillows.

I am grateful for Pap smears. 

I am grateful for understanding and loving “strangers”.

I am grateful for the ability to emote.

I am grateful for the sounds the waves make.

I am grateful for the tap tap that my phone makes when I text messages.

I am grateful for being here.

I am grateful for messages of love.

I am grateful for hearing.

I am grateful for tattoos and stretch marks.

I am grateful for fear as it reminds me to be brave and tap into my inner self as well as my support systems.

I am grateful for myself.

I am grateful for Tracee Ellis Ross and the Lyricist Lounge show.

I am grateful for 30 min barre classes on the YouTube.

I am grateful for my beautiful silver hairs.

I am grateful that I’ve accepted my silver hairs.

I am grateful for rented cars and the car I own.

I am grateful for the messy faces of children who finally want to eat and feed themselves.

I am grateful for chipped nail polish, it reminds me I’m not perfect.

I am grateful for spiderwebs and chicken tenders.

I am grateful for hard truths from soft loving voices.

I am grateful for self compassion.

I am grateful for laughter.

I am grateful for laughter.

I am grateful for laughter.

I am grateful. 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist/pure-yoga/pl.6e7eb6c06bcd40ec982e24d6af0cd59a