Hello June/Decibels

Glasses of champagne at 3 am…

Lifestyles of the emotionally rich and anti- famous

*laughs like a happy Goddess

Glasses of gratitude at 4 am…

https://music.apple.com/us/album/decibels/1308623380?i=1308623494

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ego will invoice ya

I wrote this poem below a few weeks ago after a young man talked to me quite recklessly. I save my energy these days choosing peaceful silence and a pen. I took an L that day honestly. The lesson for me was to value all of who I am and who I am not. In doing that it will become easier to identify and attract higher vibrations. Instead of taking the anger I felt and making a poor choice I turned it into the verses you see below then I let it go. I remember that my feelings, negative or positive, are fuel. Vroom Vroom – *pulls off

As long as I got the Pontiac

My plug ain’t walking

Watch all that sh*t you talking

No more hot boxin’ in Acuras

Gold fangs call me Dracula

On my peaceful sh*t not attacking ya

But I’m still human so watch that mouth or I’m slapping ya

Don’t touch me with that energy

I’m not feeling it

Imma have to invoice ya if you want me healin’ it

Ain’t sh*t free

Brotha you gonna have to pay me

You seem saltier then a saltine

At all this queenly femininity

Serving dope vibes all through YO City

Sitting pretty like a titty

Connected and protected

Growing stronger even when disrespected

I am

I am

I am

The newness of now

“Ain’t no more repeats,” I say honestly. My dad laughs because he understands the depth of my desire to break this pattern of going backwards.

I’m not beating myself up just resting in honest awareness.

What is done is done.

We had then. We did.

Had.

Past.

I take a moment to laugh too. But, I’m as serious as a nervous breakdown; ain’t no more repeats.

I want new… everything… in the now.

No rush though, it feels good to rest in the empty space that releasing has created.

New thoughts, feelings, patterns, understandings, and it goes on…

I don’t even care for vintage, the material past, as I once did. The only way I will even indulge in vintage anything is if it crosses my path organically and can be reworked into something that matches the energy of who I am… now.

Everything is everything.

Old shoes or old patterns – no matter – y’all all gotta go.

Nostalgia does not do it for me anymore either- maybe it never did- but that’s neither here nor….now.

Now.

Now is all I want my mind, body, and soul to be concerned with.

Now is all we have.

I am in true love with the present moment – like a deep multi sensory unconditional till death do us part kind of way.

All the thoughts, feelings, and moments of being feel vibrant regardless of their frequency.

Now.

Ain’t no more repeats.

3:33 am listening to Aquemini

(if you can: read, hit the link, listen, read some more and repeat)

I am not the cause of anyone’s unhappiness only my own.

What a relief. Kind of.

I stare into the eyes of my unhappiness the unhappiness I am experiencing and put my hand on my heart space.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/synthesizer/266365274?i=266365443

”The fuck is this?” I think offended by my own thoughts.

My ego, *big sigh, taking offense, finding fault and being reactive per usual.

I have fought a lot of egos, to include my own, repeatedly, but nobody ever wins.

Nobody.

And I don’t have any fight left in me.

*Laughs

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/aquemini/266365274?i=266365360

My heart reminds me to offer myself some compassion and my spirit rings with the teachings of Tolle and Ruth.

The activated vibration of the love God created me with is shaking loose more and more of what no longer serves me…

It is uncomfortable though…

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/hold-on-be-strong/266365274?i=266365277

*Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

Hold on be strong

(Aquemini ‘till I die *puts fist up)

I know this suffering is leading me somewhere…

Let’s go I tell my self and the ego.

Hand in hand we stand up and face the roaring negativity within me exposing it to the light of awareness.

It burns.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/da-art-of-storytellin-pt-2/266365274?i=266365473

I close my eyes and feel the unhappiness, the pain, the fear, the anger, the anxiety…

Lean in.

Go through it.

Grow through it.

Aquemini continues to play as my emotions burn away.

*Damn, Damn, Damn, James.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/spottieottiedopaliscious/266365274?i=266365523

Observe the thoughts.

Observe the feelings.

Just keep breathing.

No reaction.

18 years of sadness, that’s a long ass time.

Umpteen years of fear, that’s a long ass time.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/yall-scared/266365274?i=266365536

No more years of tears, fears, or sadness.

It doesn’t matter how it started, who created it or where it came from, in this present moment I detach from it.

All of it.

”Depart from me!” I yell dramatically with a smile.

I believe the sadness is lifting and my consciousness is shifting.

I am my own Harriet T. getting my mind free.

Lifting and shifting in the darkness of night led by the light.

I make a vow to love me truly, especially at 3:33 when self-created demons scratch at my soul and try to tell me that I am not whole.

Lifting and shifting to freedom- I am.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/liberation/266365274?i=266365542

I love you woman that I’m still getting to know- till death do us part -even when you fart.

Laughs -hard

I am the effect of my own awareness.

*Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Shake that load off, Shake that load off

Writer’s Note: Thank you: André Benjamin, Antwan Patton, Erica Wright, George Clinton, David Sheats, Y Pickens, Cameron Gipp, Willie Knighton Jr., Erin Johnson, Masada Hogans, Robert T. Barnett, Joi Gilliam, Myrna Crenshaw, Ruben Bailey, CeeLo Green, Frederick Bell, Jamahr Williams, Patrick Brown, Organized Noize, and Thomas Burton. Thank you for creating. Your words, melodies, and voices kept the lights on in my heart as I realized and removed the dark that almost snuffed out my spark. Angels y’all are- fly as fuck.

Thank you too, for listening to the me that is I, she, and we.

* = Lyrics by OutKast

Walkin’

I used to walk on eggshells

Then I got anxious, angry, and lost my balance

Stomp stomp

Clomp Clomp

Damn all those eggshells

Then all that stomping made me tired and sad

Looking around I realized that it wasn’t the place for me

We deserve unshakable peace and healthy love

So I walked away from all those eggshells

Self preservation of mind body and soul

I used to walk on eggshells