Invasion of Privacy/ Ain’t no Shame

Image via Oprah.com

There is nothing more horrifiying, frustrating, and anxiety inducing than having your privacy violated.

In my 333 years on Earth I have been recorded without permission, stalked, had my emails hacked, and, I square to Bob, had a drone flying in my backyard.

Now the drone thing was around the holiday and could have been some man child playing with a new electronic.

I have never ever been a fan of email or social media.

Shit, to keep it 5000 I have never been a fan of computers.

The virtual mask is an especially wily one. People create stories about you and themselves and then act from this cloudy space in the real world.

Janky.

About 4-5 years ago I linked up with someone my people ALWAYS told me NOT to speak to or deal with since I was a teenager.

There is nothing like a flock of older Jamaicans who don’t like somebody.

Laughs

Shout out to y’all-I was hard headed- I am sorry.

Listen to the wise older individuals you trust in your life. They know.

Dealing with this individual cost me about $2k and who knows how much emotionally and mentally. It was the beginning of a spiral of bad vibes.

I was embarrassed, ashamed, and hurt.

I didn’t want to tell anyone for a while about all that happened – but holding on to negative emotions, thoughts, and stories is a recipe for disaster.

Things got a lot worst before they got better.

They began to get better when I sought out healthy help.

Today, as I was going through my emails his full ass name popped up on some one travel thing to redeem points (?)- just seeing his name made me want to throw up – why he would even be utilizing my email address is beyond me.

Beyond.

All that shame resurfaced but not for long- because I have the tools now to deal.

I thank God for Brené Brown because I am now unafraid to face shame.

I caught my thoughts before they spiraled – I called and spoke to the right people and have a plan of action.

Shame is the illest silencer-

DO NOT LET SHAME SILENCE YOU.

SPEAK UP.

USE YOUR VOICE.

GET ASSISTANCE.

Don’t let anyone harass you quietly behind a screen or to your face.

God didn’t give any of us a spirit of fear and anybody trying to scare you is working for the other side of things.

You feel me?

We are protected and connected.

Writer’s Note: Sir(s) this is a public request to leave me alone. It is all peace here and we would like to keep it that way.

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Hertz dispelling Hurt

Bathing in a sea of sound

She got lost in the beat

Changing in a way you could never see

Float on

Flow on

Light on

Washed away in the best way

Amplified by this electrical musical ride

The hertz dispelling the hurt

Vibrate on

Vacillate on

Love on

She got found in the beat

Bathing in a sea of sound

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/heart-sounds/1453857619?i=1453857620

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/sorry-original-demo/1460430561?i=1460430761

Writer’s Note: been swimmin’ in my heart lately – some late spring cleaning – makin’ space for some new shit…laughs

Lauren, Oro, and Ava

I people watch in the park.

I saw these fly young ladies.

I couldn’t help but want to be them a little.

Laughs.

Why?

In touch with nature,

Young,

beautiful,

brown,

full of potential…

Wait- What?

Laughs.

Reflections.

Connections.

I am what I attract?

I am what I see in the world?

I am but a reflection?

I am?

Who am I?

Am I fly too?

Am I the ugly I see?

Yea?

No?

Yea

Damn.

So.

All of it is beautiful.

All of us are beautiful.

Ugly Beautiful.

Beautiful Ugly.

Independent film.

I am?

Just am?

I don’t know.

Laughs.

I just am.

’Cause they are.

I am.

I am Oro.

I am Lauren.

I am Ava.

Nahh.

Yea.

I am me.

Laughs.

I people watch in the park.

Saw me in some fly young ladies.

We Am.

Love is / Love isn’t

I put my mental, physical, spiritual, and financial health first. Unapologetically.

I am honest about what I can and can not handle and I say no to carrying anyone’s burdens or stresses.

This does not make me weak.

When things seem overwhelming I take a moment to check in with God and myself reaching out to my support system if I need to.

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I release guilt for not always handling things “perfectly”.

I surround myself with unconditional genuine love and I thank God for it.

I have all that need.

Thank you.