Earth is a mother fucker sometimes. Earthlings are motherfuckers sometimes. My grandmother tells me to worry about myself, to release those people and things I can not change. Sometimes it feels so hard to do – you know? She tells me that I am okay over and over. You are okay. Never in my life have I clung to two letters so hard …O.K. You are okay. Happiness and peace that’s what I seek. Spending time angry at two people who just will never understand me has made me crazy. *Laughs It doesn’t make sense to hold onto those feelings – fuck ‘em and hug ‘em says the beautiful ratchet warrior that lives within me. Truthfully, who I believe I am is what matters.
A month ago I didn’t even want to be alive. There were a lot of reasons. I deleted those sentences then retyped them ‘cause that’s the fucking truth and if it makes you uncomfortable so what bihhh. I write for me and this blog is an act of love for me and my great-granddaughter; the one who isn’t quite understood by her parents because their minds aren’t expanded and healthy enough to truly appreciate her beauty. Great granny knows baby and you are okay.
I’ve learned that to stay alive, for me anyway, I just need one reason – one reason to be alive. On my worst day, the only thing that kept me here was the feeling of the sun on my skin. *Laughs I am infinitely grateful for the sunshine. The sun kept me alive on my darkest day. Earth is a motherfucker sometimes but I love this motherfucker and I’m not leaving yet.
I wrote this listening to Sylvan Esso – Sylvan Esso. Play it Right and Coffee on repeat.